Monday, May 26, 2008


People. Don't you sometimes wish people would just judge you for who you are, who you really are. Not what you have been? Not that I've ever really been anything bad. lol. I've never intentionally hurt someone...I'm kind of generally too nice, which means people will try and walk all over me. It's not like I don't realize it, or anything...sometimes I just let it happen, because I couldn't be bothered trying to impress anyone. I guess what I mean is being judged on an incident or something dumb. Anyways, this makes no sense. I guess people, generally don't get me. I think they don't want to. That's alright I guess, I'm generally a loner. I like being with people, but I think I like being alone more.

Weight Watchers. has not been going well for me at all. I did lose .4 last week. I don't really know why I'm struggling. Especially when I stay on points. Last go around, the pounds were falling off of me so fast I thought I was sick. Now I can't lose it. I'd like to blame it on my gall bladder surgery, but that's a lame excuse. Maybe, metabolism after childbirth is slow to get going. So, here I am trying to persist, feeling almost as if I am being mocked by the scale.

Scrapbooking. Not really getting much of that done. For several reasons. Lack of creativity for one. Impeding sense of doom. (ie. mat leave will soon come to an end.) The warm weather. Guilt? I'm trying so hard to be the perfect mom. Dumb. I'm stressed. For once, I feel like my house is immaculate though. I feel like I'm nesting? Maybe, I'm pregnant...which would explain not losing weight, a clean house, and still no period? No. I'm not. I think. Probably.

More on the scrapbooking thing. I think often if I should just sell all of my stuff and get a new hobby. I don't know if I love this as much as I once used to. I don't feel creative, I don't feel connected with like-minded people, I second guess myself, it's expensive and maybe the money could be better spent? There is so many things that go through my mind. It almost appears that shopping for the supplies is the biggest addiction. I have a solution. I'll put myself on a budget. I've never done that before. Scary. :S Then I'll try something even scarier....I'll quit buying stuff for a year. That's kind of my goal for next year. I have way too much stuff...way more than I would ever use in a lifetime. Well, a lot of it is paper, but still, my layouts are simplistic. We'll see what happens in half a year.

Enough blabbing about life. Next post will be about something craft related.


Scrappytbear said...

Wow lots of deep thinking :) Does it help to write it down and then read it a few times? I sometimes find answers Im looking for when I write it, and think about it from the "reader's point of view". Hey blogging is free therapy :)
Whatever, I hope you are feeling better :) There is always another day to think about.

Boo said...

I agree with TL. I hope you do feel better! Don't be so hard on yourself about the weight loss. It will happen when the time is right.

I do get those thoughts about scrapping too... I wonder if it's worth it or not. I often think it's not but I keep buying. LOL I need to get working on stuff.

Hugs Aleks! I'm always here if you need to chat! :o)