Checking Out

There is just too much happening right now in my life. I'm really ill, but I refuse to come to terms with it. My soul is shatterting, the earth feels like it's crumbling beneath me. I am just not finding the pleasure in the things I used to. I'm not putting on a false facade anymore. So, for now, regretfully, I say goodbye.

Much love to all my faithful readers.

Well...

there's not much to say right now. We've been adjusting to a new routine and it's been difficult both mentally and financially. I started back at work on Friday night and Alex started daycare on Monday morning. I've cried myself to sleep two mornings in a row about it. I guess my sensitivity to the situation stems a lot from the situation to the boys...whenever any of the kids are gone for extended periods of time, and Nicky and Martin inevitably...the word "abandon" comes to mind, and it gives me such grief.

With the cost of daycare, going back to work I am actually going to have less than I did on maternity leave...how that happens, you tell me. It will be 4 weeks before I have a full cheque because I started back on a payday. They do the 1 week behind pay thing....so my first cheque in 2 weeks will only be for 1 week.

Stress...? Yeh there is TONS of it around here.

Oh, and if I'm being honest here... I need to get this off my chest. My parents (who I'm estranged from) just did something plainly clear that tells me I don't matter to them. On one hand it's so tragically sad, and I'm sorry for the girl I had wanted to be and could have been and on the other hand it just doesn't matter...it's a confirmation of what I've always known.

I hate to be a victim of my past, and I generally never ever let that on, but I would like to be vulnerable for just a moment... I like to keep things to myself...I try to carry the burden of my pain, because it's mine. It's been an uphill struggle but through it all I've tried hard to maintain my integrity and my ethics...so sometimes it may appear I am being difficult, but it's rightfully so... I have nothing in my life if I don't have that respect for myself, even when I feel that I have no place and feel no self worth...I've never compromised my belief in being the honest person I have become. Don't mistake that for naivety. I'm far from that.

Are You Divalicious?

We are having a week long crop at Savvy N' Sassy!!!!!!!!! Join us from September 26 - October 5 for awesome challenges, make and takes, classes and games! There is TONS of challenges 20 or more! Each challenge, make and take, class and game has a RAK to be won! We have generous sponsors, which include SavvyNSassy, Making Memories, Gelatins, Upsy Daisy, Elles Studio JUST to name a few!!!!!!!

At the end of it all..there is a GRAND PRIZE!!!! You get your name into the draw for EVERY challenge you participate in! If you remember, I have previously won...and I'm not lying when you will die when you see the awesome grand prize! This is what I had won at a previous crop:



Come and join us for the fun! You won't be disappointed! :D

oh hai!

Not much to say here, just wanted to add a few of the layouts that I have finished using the September - A Dino Under the Bed kit at Savvy N' Sassy.



I was worried, working with a ribbon kit that consisted of two colours would be a difficult challenge...but in the end I created some of my favourite layouts to add to my albums! :)

Do you know..

how hard it is to get showered and dressed to go to an interview with an almost 10 month old running around that crawls, and climbs and walks and opens everything! ARRGH! To top it off, I need to take him across town, only to come back for an interview by my house, and drive across town again! The only plus is I'm meeting a friend for coffee on that end of town...so I will have Jamie come and pick up Alex from my grandma, we're having supper made by her at my parents house anyways..where Alex is going. To make matters worse, I don't even really want to leave him with my 70 year old grandmother! She'll be fine, I'm sure...but I know her health is deteriorating, and this boy is FAST!

*sigh* I really wish I had more help! Family, someone. (I'm estranged from my parents if you weren't aware...)

K, well..off I go to try and blowdry my hair. *eyeroll*

And yet another...

card using a 2S4Y sketch. I did this one for the Caardvarks challenge. It's been a quiet afternoon around here while the boy naps! :D

Another sketch means..

another card...
I'm not even going to complain about cardmaking anymore..I'm just going to do it! ;) Check out 2S4Y for this weeks sketch this card is based off, and many more! :D

Winner!

Jacqueline congratulations!!! You have won a ribbon kit and chipboard! :D Email me aleks-81 @ hotmail . com, and I will send it out to you right away! Oh, and ((((hugs)))) to you...hoping all the best!

Thank you everyone for sharing your difficult stories for me, big and small...my heart goes out to all of you! xoxo

In other news, I made brownies today...my first time ever. They were actually saucepan brownies... I had only maybe 1/2 a cup of cocoa left and most brownie recipes are calling for 3/4 cups. I guess if I didn't bake so much, I would still have cocoa! HA! ;) Anyways, I found a recipe in my Hershey's book...(yes, it's all ChoCOLatE!) that didn't need cocoa. It was quick, it was easy....and it was FUDGY!!! mmmm. Just what I needed right now....



LOL ;)

Finally, here is a layout I finished tonight with my new ribbon kit for my Savvy N' Sassy Design Team:



All new goodies here...this CBX paper was just tooo delicious to resist! I've got paper out the ying yang now..my stash is replenished, and I should be sent to my room without supper! For months! ;)

This is the yummy kit I am working with:



It's called A Dino Under the Bed, and it's fun and boyish and blue and brown and that's good!

Finally (another finally), I applied for a well paying night job. I am hoping to get a phone call for an interview there, so cross your fingers for me. It's not in my field of work, it's telephone work and it's a full time night position...and I might be crazy to admit this, but I really, really enjoy being a shifty! *blush* OH! They also give you a free gym membership to the YMCA! :D

I also have a possible interview at the Acura dealership..but it's gotta pay better! Cause that gym membership is a pretty sweet deal!

Please, keep me in your thoughts that I find a full time job quickly, Alexander is going to daycare on September 22 and we need the money coming in to pay for it! My part time job will pay for it...but not too much else!

More card practice...

I don't love this card, I actually like the one I made for the last challenge better..but maybe I overthunk it?! Is thunk a word... or just a sound? ha! Here is the card I made for 2 Sketches 4 You challenge this week:

(click to enlarge)
You cardmaking ladies, I take my hat off to you...well, I don't wear a hat, but if I did I would... this is serious business!! I will take any and all kinds of (gentle) constructive criticism!

Have a lovely Sunday.

Swamped

First of all, to everyone who comes by my blog and reads and/or posts comments, it's truly appreciated! I wish I had more time in a day to leave comments and I try to get to your blogs when I can! Going back to work is soon upon me. I am looking for a second job, as my .4 nights will not be enough if Alex is to be in daycare. I could take a full time day job...but I really would like to keep my job at the nursing home. I am holding out for a full time position to open up there. That's why I can't leave, and that's why I shall torture myself. So, I've been looking for jobs...the ones that are calling me back are some on the bottom of the list for various reasons. I hate being underpaid for what I do...like at the nursing home I work at LOL. But, I love that place!

I'm finding it harder and harder to scrapbook and create because of various many stresses in my life... and at times I feel like quitting. But, how do you quit scrapbooking? I would feel guilty if I didn't do it. I do go back and look at my albums, so does Kara, and the boys when they are here. So, that makes it worthwhile right?

The interesting thing about my boys, is that Nicholas (9) loves to scrapbook, and I think he is quite good at it. :) My son Martin (8), he *loves* to look at the layouts! I enjoy when he grabs his sister and says, "Let's look at the scrapbooks." :) Enought to melt my heart to a pile of goo! ;)

Here is a layout, that his been literally sitting on my desk since before they even left back to Toronto almost 3 weeks ago...so it's probably been on my desk for a little over 3 weeks. I just LOVE this picture of Martin, and when I had it printed, I gasped a little...because as much as he is changing and growing, I see SO much of myself in him.

I used a sketch found on Sketch This I believe, and this beautiful Tinkering Ink paper. I'm not even a fan of them, but this paper pad is GORGEOUS! The buttons, well they were all supposed to be round, until I couldn't find any that matched...so these - they actually match better in person - little clusters were born, because I did have teal minis!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and that your back to school routines are sorting themselves out!

*I haven't received my order yet, so probably Monday...that will be the last day to enter the draw for the ribbon HERE. Unless, by the off chance it comes in tomorrow...and I hope it doesn't because, well because I have a lot of preordered stuff in that DH doesn't need to see!! LOL ;)

In the beginning...

I scrapped 12x12. I think there are about a dozen or so pages really. Boo posted a challenge to post some of your earlier layout and then one now. Well, I found 3 that I already had on my computer, none of these are my first...but all under 12th ever created! lol

I originally switched for easier scanning! lol Then I became hooked on 8 1/2 x 11 and I've never gone back. I am not even tempted to do 12x12, because I don't want to mess up my order now! ;)

Well here are 3 older layouts...about 2003 when I started after THINKING and collecting supplies for 2 years! It took me 2 full weeks to complete ONE simple layout!! LOL

The last pic is a current layout.

Why is it SO hard?

Cardmaking that is! I've been looking around for some card challenge blogs to help me work on those cards...for some reason most of my cards just look poopy. To me it almost seems like a different world from scrapbooking! I wonder if cardmakers ever feel the same way about scrapbooking?

There's a challenge blog called 2 Sketches 4 You, and I decided to use that as my trying REALLY hard to make a decent card start off point. lol, does that make sense? So here is the card that I made using the latest sketch.

(Click to enlarge)

Don't forget to ENTER HERE for some ribbon blog candy!

Win some ribbon!

So, I've already ordered YOUR ribbon! lol I thought I would post this early, and keep it open until the ribbon actually arrives...which will probably be sometime next week.

I picked up the August ZZ Fresh Flowers kit at Savvy N Sassy, which is the same kit that I worked with this month. I also have some chipboard from Magistical Memories to send along with the ribbon. They were our sponsor this month, and were way generous! No pics of the chipboard, but here is the delicious pic of the ribbon kit!


What do you have to do to win? Well, since I've been dealing with some hard stuff, I would like for you to share with me what was the most difficult thing for YOU this summer..it can be big or small, silly or sad. I will draw a random winner, when the ribbon arrives! Good luck!

Finally, check out this AWESOME packed full Limited Kit by Savvy N'Sassy featuring Pink Paislee's new line Vintage Moon! You really don't want to miss out on this, come join in at Savvy N' Sassy and preorder yours NOW!!! Quantities are limited, and it's an excellent value! No need to pay until you checkout!

Click on the slideshow link to see all images at one time!

Time for an update

First and foremost, I really want to extend my deepest gratitude for all your support and comforting words over the past little while. It's a difficult process for me to go through at the end of each summer, as I'm sure you can imagine. I think that maybe the following year, it will be a little easier because I'm accustomed to letting the boys go...but no, it doesn't get easier...how is it supposed to? A little bit of positive though, the boys do want to stay, but they're just not quite legally able to decide that. Their father had said things that made me ILL to make them feel guilty about even wanting to stay. I don't even want to think about it anymore. Anyways, thank you to all my internet friends, I am truly blessed for you!

So...my year long hiatus AKA mat leave will be up in just over a month! How depressing is that. I am *tortured* at the thought of leaving my baby at daycare, I've never had to do this. I work nights...so that means I would be gone from him all night, and he would be gone from me all day!! I just cannot do it. I've decided I am going to keep a casual position at the nursing home, and work part time at Safeway or some equally mundane job..so that I can work part time evenings. This way I can still be at home for my little guy, I can still partake in my daughters daily school dropping off and picking up etc. It's not ideal, as I don't like working evenings, but it will be alright. Hopefully, I'll be back in school (again!!) and on to a path to a new career...(again!!) ;)

I can't leave you all without some creativity. I really *needed* to use this SEI poppy paper, it's just not pretty hidden away on my shelf! The little tab is where I meant to write the date, but I took forever adjusting the corners and I forgot, and now I see the corners are still off, ARGH!

So, I leave you with this, and you saw it here first! ;)

(click to enlarge)

PS: I've ordered my ribbon for my monthly giveaway, hopefully it will be here sometime next week, I'm itching to do another round of blog candy! :D

Today is the day...

The worst day of my life, again. The boys, are heading back to their dads. I couldn't sleep last night, I think I was awake until about 5 am, and I got up at 8 am this morning, as always to give Nicholas his meds. I'm exhausted...but I know by the end of the day I'll be zonked. I'm sure I'll welcome it.

Throughout the day, I get choked up, or burst into tears...but the most difficult part, is as we wait in line to board, the hugs, the kisses...and then watching them disappear behind the glass until they are just, gone.

I have to sit there and wait until their plane is moving, and at that time, I feel so alone, and so empty...and so heartbroken. I feel like I failed myself, and failed them, and I feel so lost. I literally do feel the pain in my heart...like it's a tight squeezing pain...it never gets easier, letting them go.

When their plane is heading towards the runway, I leave the gate and go to the observation booth... I watch the plane navigate its way down the winding paths..and as the plane takes off, I press my head against the glass until the plane is gone from my sight.



That's when it becomes real...they really are gone.

I'll be spending the rest of my day with them, getting all the hugs and kisses that I can get.

Challenge Blogs

To keep my mind busy, to keep me sane, to keep from falling apart during these late nights, and the ones surely to follow...I'll probably be scrapping a lot... that's good right?

Here is one I did tonight, scanned with my NEW scanner! :) The colours turn out much better..but the scanner has a harder time with the depth. You trade one evil for another. ;)

(Click to Enlarge)

...

It's almost 3am now...I can't sleep. The pain is getting harder to contain...there will be no more Fridays with you guys... until next summer. That ever present lump has formed in my throat, and the heartache is real. I can physically feel pain in my heart.

New Challenge & Tag, Tag, Tag!

Challenge #4- All About Music is the next challenge over at So Tell Me Your Story... This layout, didn't turn out immediately as I had envisioned it...so after wrecking the MME transparency I used to write my music, I remembered I had this awesome DCWV patterned paper. I was thrilled that after cutting out the guitar it still looked good on a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of cardstock!

There really only was one positioning for the guitar, so the rest just flowed! I had to make a late night trip to Michael's for letter stickers I ran out of. I couldn't find matching glittery ones, but I did find the same font in just plain brown, so it all worked out, and it still looks fine to me!

I don't know about you, but to me...I think this is one of my most favourite layouts I have done! Just everything about it, makes it feel so...me!

(Click image to enlarge)

The little star accent, is layered with a brown button, and on top of that is an epoxy sticker. I really love that simple embellishment. The sticker really works on that button to add to the feel of my layout! Check out the challenge, and come and join in! All about me books, are really important to leave behind!

Well, it would appear, that I've been tagged 3 times in the past couple days! Let me see if I can get caught up today!

*****

Tagged by Carole:

It’s a random tag and here are the rules!

1. Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you!

2. Post the rules on your blog!

3. List 6 random facts about yourself!

4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!

5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!

6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!

1. I love to dip my rye bread in milk and just eat it like that...like an oreo! hhaha gross, I know!

2. I have the longest tongue in existance...well maybe not as long as Gene Simmons...close!

3. I'm obsessed with completing collections, series etc. So, I try to avoid collecting anything. It's already quite evident in my scrapbook stash...I'm trying to remedy that by just using things up quickly.

4. I didn't wear jeans in high school... I only wore dress pants. As a matter of fact I mostly only wore clothes from Le Chateau. hah! To fit in those once again!

5. Going with the above...I didn't graduate high school, until I was 21 and a single mom with 2 babies.

6. My eyes are green, one of my eyes are 1/4 brown.

I tag:

1. Ann

2. Shannon

3. Renee

4. Amanda

5. Steph
6. T-L

*****

An award from Ann!

Thank you!! You are so sweet, and I envy your mad card making skillz, a skill I cannot seem to acquire!

1. The winner can put the logo on their blog

2. Link the person you received your award from
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of the girls or boys you’ve nominated.

Here are 7 blogs, that I really enjoy:

TBA

*****

An award from Joce.

Thank you for your words of kindness. You are truly one of the nicest people on the net, with nothing but kindness towards everyone!

The rules of this award:

1. Only 5 people allowed.
2. 4 have to be dedicated followers of your blog
3. one has to be someone new or recently new to your blog and live in another part of the world.
4. you must link back to whoever gave you the award.quite simple really it is a way of saying thank you to those who take time out for wonderful comments to boost your day.

Here are 5 special people:
TBA

paper and punches and ink...

oh my!

So, I've really had nothing to talk about...I think I must be boring everyone. :x Just keeping busy with this summer, trying to get as much activity in as I can. The inevitable is coming. In 9 days Nicholas and Martin will be heading back to Toronto. *sigh* I don't really want to think about it too much, I don't want to spend the last few days gloomy.

So....on my travels I found these at giant tiger. They are bookshelves with 3 compartments. I wasn't sure if they would fit the cropper hopper holders but they did!!! It wouldn't have been a loss anyways, because I am sure I would have found use all over the house for these! I have 2 in my kitchen as well. The extra space is welcome in my currently tiny kitchen in a rented house. *sigh* Anyways, the best part....these were under 10 bucks each!!!!

If you remember (not so long ago) I spilled coffee all over my paper!
:( The spot where these shelves sit, is where I had my paper holders sitting! It's where my coffee went flying, all the way to the white carts there. Anyways, I've been on a paper buying mission, so hopefully I will have this full in no time. I would have, if not for my little accident. :X

(Click on any images to make them larger)

A closeup, you can see how well the cropper hoppers fit in there.
I couldn't help sharing this little nifty thing-a-ma-bobber. It came with some stationery I bought at Home Sense and it works PERFECT for storing those cute little versa ink stamp pads. I (usually) get 2 in my Just Cre8 kits, so this is filling up fast! But, it's stored so neatly and sooo easy to grab and use. BTW...the geek in me has them sorted by lowest to highest number. haah!
So, there's a sketch site that is called, Creative Scrappers. I used the current sketch on the blog to create this layout. The reason I am pointing this layout out, is for you to notice the only bit of patterned paper on it. The paper itself is nothing special, from a rob and bob holiday slab. But, what I want you to notice is the scallop edge with the little holes... yes, that. WELL!! I've been coveting that darn, elusive Threading Water punch...and I did not get it..and resorted to HAND cutting those little scallops and punching holes! >.< buuuuut... guess what I found at Michael's today....

Yay!

That's all I have for now. I'll be picking out a ribbon kit to giveaway, and that will be up in a couple weeks, so don't forget to come back!

In a rut...

Do you ever get stuck in a rut scrapbooking? Well, yeh, I bet you do..we all do. I've been looking at this sketch from Creative Scrappers for like a week. My paper was from here to trimmer and back, kids stepped on it..that's how long I've been trying to get it going. Finally, I just did it. It's using the July Just Cre8 kit, that I *really* wanted to make a dent in, since I haven't touched it yet and already received August! I really like my layout in person, my scanner is being so cruel to me, and everything looks like poo!

If you click on it, it will look better, though. ;)

I've used my Savvy N' Sassy ribbon kit on this layout. You can purcahse it here: August ZZ Kit ~ Fresh Flowers There are only 3 left so hurry!

We also have a sponsor this month. It's the wonderful chipboard from Magistical Memories. On this layout I used the adorable pointed maggie flower. It's layered under the rest of the flowers next to the title.

That's all I have to say.

Oh yes, and I didn't make the Crop Suey, design team...but that's ok. :) It was one of 3 DT I tried out for at the same time, and I made it on one of them already (So Tell Me Your Story) so i can't complain!

I'm honoured...

to make Camille's top 10 for the design team of a new kit club coming at Crop Suey. This is an actual kit of the month club of vintagy type things! It would be a dream to be on! I feel very honoured to have made the top 20! :)

Congratulations....

TEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You won a Savvy N' Sassy ribbon kit! :D Make sure to send me your address, it's in my hot little hands ready to go out!

Stay tuned for an August ribbon kit giveaway, and there just might be an extra little surprise with that one!

Last Day to enter!

To win a July ribbon kit!

click click

It's been a busy few dayS! My oldest turned 9!!! Holy smokes where does the time go??? My only DD lost her two bottom teeth today within an hour of eachother! She looks so cute! I'll have to get some pics. Her with her missing two and my youngest with his only two. LOL

It's been a bit of a rough week. I will admit I am enjoying a vodka with 7up, my drink of choice. :) It has my muscles relaxed. I need to do one more blog post, and then Jamie and I will snuggle up and watch The Tudors. :)

The day I was born...

I'm not sure if you're aware, but the first challenge on So Tell Me Your Story... was to create a layout about Your Beginning. Well, since I wanted to be a part of this DT so I can be inspired/encouraged to continue with my BOM, I want to get all the challenges complete. So, here is what I did for the first challenge:

(Click to enlarge)

Feel free to catch up on the challenges. Get your memories recorded for our future generations. :)

Win a July Ribbon kit!!!!!

The time is here! I am giving away a ribbon kit from Savvy N Sassy!

The kit is: SnS July ~ Garden of Dreams

8 Yards co-ordinating Ribbons (1 yard of each): Med Ivory Ric Rac, Med Turquoise Ric Rac, Melon Satin Edge Organza, Brown Satin Edge Organza, Toffee Satin Edge Oganza, Robbins Egg -Brown Dot Organza, Light Ivory Grosgrain, Moss - Blue - Red Multi Stripe.

Leave a comment here by Saturday July 26 telling me what your favourite summer treat is and you will be entered for the draw for this yummy ribbon! :D

Finally...

Well it's about time...I'm definitely light years behind. I didn't really need one, because I had one...but for $49, and the fact it's so little and cute, and you can just clip on your shirt when you're working out...well, I just couldn't resist.

I got me an Ipod Shuffle. The clip on one. :) RIP my little IROCK. (which in more than one ways is much better LOL)

What is your name?

The 2nd challenge over at So Tell Me Your Story is up. For this challenge, scrapbook about your name, you can include info of how your parents decided on it, it's history or simply what it means! Here is what I did for this challenge:



To make the stitched design, I stamped a Fancy Pants swirly stamp on my cardstock. Next, I used a paper piercer to follow the lines. Over that I painted the swirls. Now it was easy to stitch because I had prepoked my holes.
I am *so* into stitching on my layouts right now. The only reason I don't like to machine/hand sew is because I'm too lazy to drag out the stuff I need, especially with 4 kids running under my feet all day long! ;)

Hope to see your layouts posted on the STMYS blog!

I am seriously exhausted...

We went to Tully's Berry Farm, and picked 11, 4 litre buckets of strawberries. Of course with the fun of that comes shucking them and cutting them and bagging them. Now my back is so sore and my left arm feels like carpal tunnel syndrome. Except, I don't know what carpal tunnel feels like. I've got 31 ziploc bags of berries. :S I'll probably keep out 6 or 7 and the rest will be frozen.

This is the first layout that I did for the Savvy N' Sassy design team, using SNS ribbon. I had a sketch laying around, and this BEAUTIFUL Cosmo Cricket paper came in, thankfully AFTER the coffee incident! It's the Hello Sunshine line, in case you were wondering...the colours are to DIE for!!!
The ribbon kit I picked matched it perfectly...I'll get a pic of that up too. Do you see the hand stitching? I am seriously obsessed with that right now. At first I was like meh, what a silly trend...but it hasn't really caught on...and I LOVE the detail it adds to my layout. Stay tuned for another (much more involved) hand stitched layout to come for my STMYS DT blog! Only a couple more days for that reveal, I'm so excited!


I have a headache, now I need to lay down.

Just out of curiousity..do you like working with ribbon on your layouts? Do you like to use it but just don't think of it?

Check this out!

Fran is giving away delicious blog candy!!! WOW!!!

Congratulations TO....

Sorry it's late.






:(






I have a chaotic summer house with 4 kids!






:O







BOO!






Please send me your addy.....








YOU WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)





By an old fashioned random, pull your name outta the hat drawing! I included you guys who posted under my ruined paper post too...LOL, even though it wasn't in the right spot, you were at the right place! ;)

Congratulations, and don't forget to come back all the time, because I will be giving away a ribbon kit every month...INCLUDING a kit from this month. :)